5 Steps to Finding Love

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To be completely honest, there’s no secret formula or a one-size-fits-all way to finding your true love. There are, however, certain things that you can do to be that much closer to finding your person.

Recognise that there’s no “The One”

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As unromantic as this may sound, there’s no “The One” for you out there. In fact, there are hundreds, maybe even thousands out there for you. Maybe you’ve been in love before and you’re still hung up on the thought that he/she was the one that got away. No, there’s a reason why they’re not in your life anymore (whatever that reason may be). You have got to accept that reality and keep moving forward, it’s in the past and it’s called the past for a reason – leave it there.

Love yourself first

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As cliche as this may be, it’s undeniable. You have got to learn to love yourself first before you can truly love someone else. Sure there may be things about yourself that you do not like, most times we are our own harshest critic. Well then, invest in time and effort to improve on yourself. When you focus on what’s important, it changes how you view things in life – even what you look for in a partner. Don’t look for your better half, that in itself insinuates that you’re the lesser half and that you’re not a whole person on your own. You don’t need someone to complete you, YOU complete you. You’re just looking for another wholesome individual to be in love with and journey with you on this adventure called life.

Don’t bother with a long superficial checklist

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It’s important to have standards, certain things you won’t compromise on. What’s more important is identifying what those are. If you’re going to have a long list of criteria for your potential partner like 1. He’s got to have a body like Dwayne Johnson 2. A face like Enrique Iglesias 3. Drives a Maserati etc. – you’re probably going to be disappointed. Unless you look like Blake Lively yourself and have your own empire, it’s rather unlikely you’ll meet/connect/be in a relationship with someone that can only be described as a fantasy. Such unrealistic expectations are perhaps a result of watching romance movies over the years, there’s a reason why it’s called the movies though – it ain’t real life.

Stop rushing and comparing with others

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What’s the hurry? Too often people are quick to compare themselves to others and ask things like “why can’t I have that too?”. We are all on different pathways and living separate lives, it’s like comparing apples and oranges. Apart from the fact that they are both fruits, not much else is the same. The problem with rushing and comparing is that you tend to settle. You reach a point whereby you just want someone by your side, anyone, just so that you’re not alone. The sooner you realise that love is a marathon and not a race, the easier you’ll find it to wait for your person.

Be unapologetically you

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If you want something genuine, you’ve got to first BE genuine. Forget about coming up with “moves” to get the guy/girl. Just be yourself, don’t pretend to be someone you’re not to please or attract someone else. It’s misleading, tiresome and a complete waste of time. Communicate your desires and expectations earlier on so that they have an understanding and can also share if they are on the same page. 

In your own time, you’ll find your person. Remember that if you’re intending to have kids, you’re looking for someone who will not just be your partner in life but also you’re technically choosing your future child’s mother/father. That in itself is a big deal so don’t be impatient, you’re choosing for hopefully what is going to be for the rest of your life.

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